Cas wanted so badly for his brother to be back

to just have a brother, one as amazing and understanding of free will as gabriel

to be back

and to tell him ‘you can do this little bro, I believe in you’

to just have that connection to someone all his, an untainted family member that loved him and cared



Fuck you Metatron, for giving him that and taking it away.


… Damn it, Dean.

After this episode, no one can convince me that their story is not meant to be the show’s romantic subplot. I understand people are saying that it needs to be more obvious, and that it needs to be pronounced in a way there is no ambiguity left about their feelings, and I agree with their reasoning.

Still, it was in this very episode - more than in any of the ones that came before - that I thought that the relationship between Dean and Cas *is* romantic and as such a vital part of this show, its universe and characters. The fact that no reprieve, not even the briefest moment of happiness is granted to the Winchesters and their allies has become part of the deal - in season 9 more than ever. Both Dean and Cas have their own lives, their burdens to bear, their responsibilities to meet. They both have neither time nor inclination to give in to complicated love affairs. They cannot afford to give in to introspection and moments of self-reflection; as it is, I think Dean believes he cannot afford to have a “big gay crisis”, so he just makes sure things do not even get that far. And Cas, on his part, does not even want to dwell on the implications and dangers of an angel loving a man in a very human way.

But even then, despite all that, they steal whatever happiness they can get from each others voices, from the comfort of a fleeting touch. What they feel for each other is romantic love in its purest sense: it serves no purpose, it doesn’t save or destroy the world, it asks for nothing, and demands nothing in return. It’s just there.

And they both know it, and accept it as a part of their lives. That they don’t talk about it, or act on it - at least for the time being - makes perfect sense to me.


OD (drug overdose) - Oh Dean…

So I talked about it very briefly this morning already. But I want to talk about this wonderful and heartbreaking scene some more, because there is one small detail that makes this scene - especially in terms of silent storytelling - so much more awesome (at least in my opinion, you are free to disagree of course).

Over the course of the episode, we saw Dean assess himself mutliple times in the mirror (I talked about those implications back when we got the promo already and funnily my assumptions were pretty spot on), trying to get a grip on who he is and what he is feeling. And I think while the episode progressed it could harder and harder for Dean to distinguish or rather see and recognize himself. The way Sam finds him, leaning on the wall for support, seemingly lightyears away, sort of out of touch, not just with himself but the world altogether as if he is under a haze.

We did not only get multiple mirror shots though, we also got many many shots of Dean clutching the arm with the mark in an almost self-conscious manner, but also in a way that alludes to Dean possibly struggling more and more with his cravings.

I personally think they showed very well how Dean tries to substitute or rather re-create the feeling the blade gave him, when he held it in his hands. In 9x17 “Mother’s Little Helper” he turned to alcohol to cope, in 9x18 “Meta Fiction” he lost himself in violence and torture to the point he wasn’t even able to stand upright anymore. I wonder if it was harder and harder for Dean as well to keep his hands steady…

The way Dean looked at the mark on his arm to me carried a notion of “an itch you can’t scratch”, it seemed like a constant reminder of Dean wanting, needing whatever it is that pumps through his veins when he is holding the blade and is making him feel… nothing? …strong? … loved? …home?

In my opinion we absolutely saw how Dean’s addiction is progressively getting worse and the tension coming to a head when Cas asks Dean

"Are you (okay)? There is something different about you?"

And Dean trying to bullshit Cas into making him believe, what Dean tries to tell himself as well, that he is fine, when he is anything but.  So Dean turns away, unable to deal with Cas’ concern only Cas doesn’t let him egt away that easy, but grabs Dean’s arm demanding what Dean is hiding from him and goes to uncover the mark sitting on Dean’s arm, angry and red.

And this scene - and I have been talking about the visual of the mark reminding of trackmarks especially in my meta about Dean’s decay in relation to “Requiem for a Dream" - in my opinion really carries the notion of a loved one finding out about another loved person’s drug abuse, which is showing in track marks, which to me the MoC is (hell it even enters his blood stream like heroin does when you shoot up).

The way Dean is yanking his arm back, shows he is unable to listen to reason, to accept help and more so maybe also to admit he is having a problem.

And if all the episodes leading up this scene, wasn’t a warning sign  for where Dean is headed, then just take a look at the last gif, because there we have a literal neon sign telling us that something is SO not right with Dean and where his beahviour and his addiction might lead him. To OD, overdose.

I find it interesting to think about what ODing would mean for Dean in this case? Would it mean his soul being irreversebly damaged? Would it be the last step ito becoming a demon? Or would it really mean death? I don’t think that latter is the case, but who knows…

And just like all season, Dean doesn’t - can’t listen - to what Sam and Cas are saying, can’t understand or care about their worry, because he’s got other things on his mind, his thoughts cosumed by one small thing - the blade - and so he walks away and does exactly what any addict would do. Rationalize. Telling himself he just wants to kill Abbadon, when that might not be the whole truth. Or in the language of the episode: not the whole story.




Random speculation… rewatching “Meta Fiction,” I noticed that Hannah looks very much like a female Cas, with dark hair and blue eyes. People have been speculating all along that Cas might wind up (hopefully temporarily!) in a female vessel. What if when the actress wrote, “Just you wait,” that’s what she was alluding to? Admittedly the vessel is currently occupied by another angel, but… well, if I were casting a female Castiel, she’d be a top pick. 

i can really see that too but i feel like cas going into a female body would be really bad

  1. that means we lose misha and i never ever want him off the show; the don’t think the producers do either ‘cause he gets them the most ratings
  2. it would feel like a huge slap in the face if the writers made destiel textually canon because cas is in a female vessel; a lot of the fans know that angels are technically genderless, but not all and many of them see cas as a man therefore they would take canon destiel with fem!cas as “see two men can’t be together but it’s fine now because cas has the appearance of a woman” (which is shitty)

Cool that other people saw this too; I’ve been off Tumblr most of the day and thought I’d finally had an original thought. Ha! But last night the local station went down due to thunderstorms and I watched on a poor-quality livestream, so the resemblance didn’t jump out on me till I watched iTunes on my TV today. The similarities in their features are quite striking.

I agree this would be a total copout. I’ve been saying for a while I think it’s possible (and so have a lot of other people!), but I really hope it won’t happen permanently. It would be okay with me if Cas wound up temporarily in a female vessel, thus forcing Dean to come to grips with his feelings for Cas, and then went back into Jimmy Novak’s body. That might be a reasonable way to do Destiel. But to make Cas permanently female would feel a kick in the teeth to many of us. Even so, there’s always the possibility that the writers can’t see any other way to get out of the situation. I guess we’ll see what happens!

There’s definitely another way out of the situation and IMO it’s about 10000 times more likely than a permanent genderswap of Cas. (In fact there are at least three other ways out of the situation, all of them way more likely to happen.)


roosterstiel replied to your post: anonymous asked:im kinda more sca…

can we…..stop…freaking out every time a female character is introduced on the show…….this kind of attitude is one of the reasons the writers are reluctant to develop female characters on the show u.u

i know :(




"It sounded…familiar. It sounded like heaven."

Keep her around and alive please! I need to see more of Cas and the Ducklings, especially if we want to get to the point that Castiel can lead not by dictate but by EXAMPLE… and not be afraid of the outcome.

One eye open.  One eye closed.  I’m pretty sure that’s important!!

Especially since in healing Hannah Cas healed both her eyes…perhaps fully awakening someone straddling a fence philosophically…



Meta Fiction // 9.18

I have to comment on that last gif because… gosh if ever there was a perfect visual representation of Dean’s arc this season, that is it. Because Dean has always had an inner darkness that is part of him (a darkness nurtured by Alistair in Hell, a darkness that reveled in the purity of Purgatory, a darkness that we see being tapped into by the mark of Cain), and as littlehollyleaf and I both just talked about, Dean is a man who struggles with a duality in nature, struggles between the light and the dark within. And that is represented beautifully by that division of light at the start of that gif. But then what happens? The darkness then moves to cover his face completely, the light gone, consumed, and all that remains is shadow.

Just my interpretation of course, but I suspect this is another hint at the very dark place Dean will be in come season’s end…

is it just me or does hannah look a lot like cas? maybe the reason misha isn't signed on for s10 is because his vessel burns out and he has to use hannah's? then spn could have destiel without the no homo



…omg what

this absolutely will not happen i can promise you that

Unfortunately I have wondered lately if the writer’s really ARE that kind of stupid.

Because if they intend Cas and Dean to be endgame and they can’t remove that reality from the narrative they can try and make the eventuality what censors might call ‘audience appropriate.’

It’d be idiotic on more levels than I can venture to say..but the fact is angels have changed vessel genders on the show before..and they could do the same to try and rewrite Cas and Dean as a on-the-surface male female romance that only became so when Dean clued in to Cas as sexually as well as emotionally attractive.

Never mind what they’d really be selling is an interspecies relationship, which is every bit as ethically risky.

But then, you know, the terror of two people with penis’ touching or kissing…

There are so many reasons why this will never happen. It would be a complete slap in the face to Misha, who put in the years and the work and built this character and his incredible chemistry with Dean. And the fans would go APESHIT. I can’t think of ANYTHING else that could possibly make the fandom madder. Actually it would unite the destiel and wincest fans in unanimous disgust, because the wincesters would hate it too – Misha or no Misha, it would still be canon Destiel. And don’t think the writers aren’t aware of it, and the network too. But more importantly, the showrunners/writers would hate themselves. Even if they are prostituting themselves to their employer daily (like all of us working grunts), they care a little more than that and have a little more pride than that. They are well aware what a horrid cop-out that would be and what a betrayal to the story. I don’t even think the general audience would like it. There’s no real impetus to do something like that.

It’s 10000 times more likely that they will continue giving us the Cas/Dean love story (with Misha/Jensen playing the parts) in subtext until the end. That’s an easy road to take. The easiest, in my opinion. Cas and Dean are already looking like endgame but as long as no one steps a toe over that line, they can still be a platonic endgame. Intense platonic “die-for-you” buddies with homoerotic undertones – good ol’ staple in television storytelling since the sixties. Everyone on the show KNOWS how to do that. They could do it in their sleep.

It’s about 1000 times more likely that they will simply kill off Cas and not replace Misha with any other vessel. That would be an idiotic decision but it would save them quite a bit of money. (Possibly with the intent of trying to get Misha to guest star in the last few episodes of the show to wrap up that endgame.)

Even canon Destiel (played by Misha/Jensen) is about 100 times more likely.

Permanent genderswap re-vesseling of Castiel? Don’t worry. Never gonna happen.